Sunday, October 25, 2015

"Superhero (drunk rant)"

I am the kind of heartbroken that
is nuanced enough to not come out most of 
the time, for I have been heartbroken before
and it takes tears that match the raindrops on 
a bus with a drunk friend in the corner
to understand what I have been escaping from.
I love you and even though I know we are
not right for each other, I wish that
I could hear you tell me that you 
love me one more time and I cry quietly
hoping that the bus driver doesn't notice.
My friend is asleep and I wonder whether
I miss you only because I am lonely and I am spiraling
downwards in my thoughts. Is my love for you
conditional on not having been able to
find someone new? Or have I always loved you and
just been able to successfully suppress it until now;
I do not know but I am alone and these words come
out and all I know right now is that I wish I was strong enough
to accept the kind of love that you were offering me because
our lives would be so simple like that. There were many times
I never quite told you how I felt because I did not know
how to express it and I felt unfulfilled in many of those times
but I am sad right now, filled with grief over the loss of you
and yet not enough that you turn into my superhero.